Ok, so this is both the stupidest and most sincere thing I have ever typed in this bizarre website that no one reads, but I have come to realize I may always feel like something is missing in life because I am not and will not be . . . Beyonce. Or someone like her. It's not that I want to live with the face of Aphrodite and voice of angels and the admiration of millions from the stage to Instagram and into beyond. It's that she has worked to make her life something entirely under her control and gets to travel for it constantly. Knowing that that life was out there for her to grab makes me think there's something I've missed in the life I am, otherwise, very sanely thrilled to have.
No matter how proud I am of myself, it is marred by the ridiculous wish to trade my glorious anonymity for executive suites with the best views and the numerous and, indeed, excessive afternoons spent chillin' on a yacht in the mediterranean. I think of all I have to be grateful for, but then, yes, I return to thinking that it is simply the way of things that I cannot afford to NOT work a 40-hour per week job in a cube and that I may never stop reaching the end of my paychecks every month. Travel may always be something I cannot comfortably afford or do enough.
But, you know what? That is unlikely! My aim, then, is to transform my envy into inspiration. My life can be as fabulous as a world-traveling performer, just. . .you know . . . in hotels worth $10k less per night and no one studying my marriage and very stunning qualities. And how to do this? How to remember I'm a lucky lady? I AM lady luck. Sinatra sang about me decades before I graced this planet with my good fortune.
Well, I should start with the question of why travel matters so much to me. Why do I hold it in such high regard? Growing up in Texas, I have seen how small-town people say things like "Why would I ever travel? I have everything I need right here" and yet seem so miserable and, often, quite racist and uncultured. THIS right here was an alarming eye-opener to me. If you don't leave your space, you won't see how others live and realize your way of living is not the be all end all that society should be built around. Travel helped pull me out of the darkest time in my life and I will wax poetic about it until I die.
It was so easy for me to slip into that travel-deprivation-induced denial and think that travel is silly and basically just an uncomfortable or unfamiliar version of every day life. Once I finally went somewhere, I knew. I had charming encounters with people who thought MY accent was cute, I walked inexhaustibly among gorgeous, gothic city architecture, I listened to the underground city stories of Scottish history long past and so foreign to my life experiences, I drank beer in a classic English tavern, and I navigated the train system around an unfamiliar city alone. The people smelled wonderful and their words sounded musical. Every sight and sound was something to behold and something to savor. I didn't read much because simply gazing out and watching the "foreigners" pass in this, their homeland, was mesmerizing. To move there would be to numb the stimulus, but that's never stopped anyone from eating one too many boiled peanuts, has it?
Plus, there is the fact that it is QUITE lucky for me that money does buy the only thing I ever really feel is missing in my life: adventure. I am holding out hope that I will be able to achieve it regularly and with relative ease some day.
I'm not saying one should rely on travel for happiness, but my gosh is it a great reminder of what's out there. That this world has never been and could never be boring if you just get the chance to see it. It's like getting sloshed and watching a Pixar movie for the first time. It prevents the shit-spiraling descent from honeymoon phase to TV-watching in my relationship with life.
And so, as always, I have to remind myself that, before I know it, time will pass and I will be smarter but older. There will always be down swings, but then it will be time to move on. Until the ultimate down swing, be joyful. Think of small problems like divorces. There is always a bright side, a reason. If we know what makes us unhappy, then we may know what it would take to BE happy and see the world anew. Discovering the world and what makes you happy is everyone's freedom in this life. I cannot wait to get out there again.
BACK TO BROWSE.